‘Shouldn’t you be married by now?’

Does one need to be married, housed and impregnated before 30? Just when we thought time was changing and the battle of sexes were coming to a equal measure, the simplest of questions set you straight back to the 1800’s where women were only seen to serve the purpose of a show pony, maid, sex slave and child bearer, formally known as a wife.

‘Shouldn’t you be married by now?’ I believe the answer to that question would be yes. Yes because life is just simply not complicated enough. The years slaved over eduction, climbing the career ladder, having a social status becomes void, because unless you are married it has no value. So yes you should be married by now.

If you are of asian descent, or come from an asian background or have one asian relative be sure to know that marriage will be the only measurement of success in your life. Having said that, if your friends are getting married, and you are not, then you should know that you are spoilt goods. You have no other valid reason to be single. ‘Something’ is definitely wrong with you, which often means you are gay, it is that simple.

I am neither married nor gay, however I find myself in the predicament of pity from family friends and relatives. Because at the age of 28, as my grandmother once said, ‘I am past my use by date’. I am not sure what that actually means, but I am guessing it is the same thing that is printed on a yogurt carton, which advises you ‘not to use’ after a certain time. What hope does anyone have.

Shouldn’t I be married by now? I find myself asking and the only answers that come to mind that make sense are:

A. I don’t have a boyfriend.

B. I do not know of anyone who wants to marry me. (random)

C. And I am definitely not having an arranged marriage.

And so if you live in a fast paced, money motivated environment like London, you find yourself at a loose end to meeting single men. Not just any single men but quality single men and I hear that once upon a time, they did exist.

When did it all get so complicated? Gone are the days when guys would find a girl really specially, declare his love for her with a bar of chocolate and a scribbled love letter. The time before pagers, email and mobile phones and when Saved By The Bell was the coolest programme on TV. Now all to be seen is numerous online dating ads on TV, trains, in magazines and car parks encouraging people to date from the comfort of their sofa or through the latest gadget while on the go. When did the world stop natural human interaction!

So if the best way to meet someone is online, and there are hardly any quality men to date, what hope do single successful women have in getting married ? And does that lead the female race into believing that settling down with the first good thing that comes their way, ‘just in case’ Mr Perfect or Mr Worth It never shows up. Unfortunately divorce rates are ever increasing so the only question that needs to be asked is ‘how many divorced people do you know under 40?’ because marriage was a rushed decision in their 20’s or forced due to maturity of a relationship or some other reasonable explanation.

According to nation master (www.nationmaster.com) 31 out 100 people get divorced in the UK. The average age of female’s first marriage is 28 years old and the average age of males’s first marriage is 30.

And so again I ask ‘shouldn’t you be married by now?’…

5 Responses to “‘Shouldn’t you be married by now?’”

  1. Kayak Dude June 2, 2011 at 8:03 pm #

    Great read! Did you ever watch the movie ‘Arranged’ that I gave you?

    Where I grew up in the midwest, your writings are spot on about ‘social norms and expectations’. But in Colorado, at least in the mountains, it’s as if we’re in our own little cosmos. Nobody cares or judges anyone based upon marrital status and/or number of children. Happiness is about smiling and being surrounded by good, like-minded people and not money. We work to play and play at work. Many people never even bother to get married, but have more of a domestic partnership.

    I’m not a big fan of yogurt, but I always drink milk well past the use by date. ;-P Also, it is better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than it is to be half-way up one that you don’t.

    • Nimisha Rattan June 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

      Hear hear. I love your last sentence! Kayayk Dude we are two minds alike!
      Thank you for reading my dear. xx

  2. Smart girl June 2, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    Yes: everyone needs support, a companion, someone to make a family with…if you want kids.

    No: All men are fuckers, so us ladies need to be as smart about this.

    Rules:
    Never give all your heart to someone
    Always play the game…it is a game.
    Always have your own life, your life is NOT your man.
    Always be sweet and in return you get what you want – MAIN RULE.

    I personally don’t believe in marriage, its just considered the ‘norm’, anything different just throws people.
    Good luck ladies.

    • Kayak Dude June 3, 2011 at 8:47 am #

      I beg to differ, Smart Girl. Support and companionship are beautiful, necessary, but why is that limited to those that only create a family? I am in no position to judge, but as a man I do not view myself as a ‘fucker’: differentiation between the verb vs. noun. ;-P

      Sure, throw your heart out in front of you and run ahead to chase it. That only lasts so long… say the length of Peru and Ecuador. However Colombia is a mere 40km away… “Don’t hate the player, hate the game, nein?” Total cop out.

      Your life is yours, no questions asked. But if sharing it with someone, even within a moment, brings happiness, fulfillment, regret, despair; these are all emotions worth experiencing. How do you know what is happiness without being sad? It applies to dating as well. You find out what you don’t like, to realize what it is that you are looking for.

      Always be sweet and get what you want? Nim taught me that women should be mean to keep their man keen!

      Glaciers to mountains, lakes to forests,

      Kayak Dude ^^

  3. Ben June 4, 2011 at 3:55 am #

    Dear Nimisha, funny read and you are obviously back in the buzzling world of London. I do know a few fellows from Huanchaco who really wanted to marry you anyway.. but without kidding, advice from my mom: love happens when you least expect it to happen. Cheers and I am already in Costa Rica by now, only 3 months left..

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